Bob and Larry Are Ready To Save the Planet

IN LATE APRIL 2021, the food website Epicurious made the decision to stop publishing recipes with beef to “encourage more sustainable cooking.” The move sparked an immediate backlash. But I must admit that I would hardly care if every beef entrée were wiped from the internet, so long as the recipes that remained included a “jump to recipe” button so that I did not have to spend 20 minutes scrolling through a 50,000-word memoir about how a particular dish made its way through 17 generations of your family. But alas, it seems that for the time being we are stuck with far too many food platforms doubling up as literary agencies.

Along with facing criticism, Epicurious also won a fair amount of praise. Supporters noted that meat production is one of the most significant contributors to climate change and an ever-warming planet. As a result, over the past few years a number of people have begun to identify as “flexitarians.”

Contrary to my initial belief, these are not people who like to tell others about their bench press record. They are actually folks who generally do not eat meat but might make a few rare exceptions. If most Americans became flexitarian or even just cut cow out of their diet, this could make a significant impact. I do recognize that it is incredibly difficult to get most Americans to do anything for the common good unless it involves the words “listen,” “to,” “Dolly,” and “Parton,” but I actually believe that with a charismatic spokesperson at the forefront of a flexitarian campaign, this could get off the ground.

As far as spokespeople, there are several politicians, scientists, and activists who could easily lead the way toward a more sustainable diet, but I think the two individuals best suited for the job would be Bob and Larry. No, not Sen. Bob Menendez and Gov. Larry Hogan. I’m talking about Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber from the hit children’s TV show VeggieTales. Yes, it is a little bit morbid for two vegetables to tell kids it’s time to start eating their fellow produce. Cows at least have the sense to recommend that people eat chicken instead. But it’s also a little morbid that this planet is on fire, so it all kind of evens out, don’t you think?

I personally did not grow up watching VeggieTales, apart from the occasional times when my Sunday school teacher would put on a VHS tape because they woke up late and forgot it was the fourth Sunday YET AGAIN. But I’m absolutely convinced that if the next generation talks about this group of personified vegetables with half as much nostalgia as my friends do, adding in a climate episode where Bob and Larry get eaten but the planet thrives is our paramount duty. Just imagine how fun it would be to hear kids in the hallway after church telling their parents about how they got to watch the episode where Saul the Soy Protein Concentrate and Barnabas the Bean morphed into an Impossible Burger.

And who knows, if this campaign is successful maybe the veggies could add a few more episodes with some new, healthy friends tackling other pressing issues—like marijuana legalization with Wilberforce the Weed. Until then, decrease the steaks and increase the kale because Bob and Larry are ready to save the planet.